To whom it may concern:

Since my husband’s death, I have received many pieces of mail. The first piece was a bill for the services they employed (or didn’t) at the scene of the wreck. The interesting part was that it was a bill for an ambulance that he never got to use. The bills started coming before we had even held his memorial service in town.  Since then, there have been more bills, insurance papers, and letters from ambulance chasers. I guess there is no sensitivity for those who have lost a spouse/loved one.

Amongst all the many pieces of mail, there have been a couple that have taken my breath away-literally. The medical examiners report and the death certificate have been the hardest to open. I opened both of them this week...oh, my. I know that my husband has passed away but there is a part of me that doesn’t want to believe it. I just want him back so much. So, when I see certified documents stating the horrific news-it just sinks to the pit of my stomach like a ton of bricks. I then slip away to our bedroom and sob my eyes out for the next 30 mins. Also, there are those cards and letters from friends and family. They take my breath away because of just knowing that so many people are praying and loving me.  Every message is so encouraging and a blessing.

After a really challenging week emotionally, my good friend invited me to go to the spa with her. Wow! It was so relaxing and I was able to just think for once since all this happened. While the knots of stress were massaged away, I was able to lie there and think of several fond memories of my love. We really did have that GREAT of a marriage and he REALLY was that wonderful to me.

Below is my quote from the day. It is from Griefshare.com’s devotionals. They quoted Dr. Larry Crab.  It touched my heart because it is so true in my life. I want to thank the Lord for supporting me while I ache for the loss of my love.

"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."